Where Do I Look? Getting Comfortable Around Naked Men

You’re talking to a man. He’s naked. You’re naked. Suddenly you’re putting more effort into where your eyes go than into anything he’s saying.

Do you keep looking at his face? Is looking down rude? Has he noticed you trying very hard not to look down?

This can feel awkward at first. You don’t need perfect control of your eyeballs to be decent company.

It’s okay to notice

You’re going to see bodies, including parts usually covered by clothes. You might notice someone’s shape, a tattoo, his penis or the fact that he looks rather good naked. Noticing is ordinary. You don’t need to scold yourself for it.

A passing glance isn’t the same as giving someone a slow inspection. Let your eyes move on without turning the moment into a big event. Most conversations survive a brief distraction.

When does looking become staring?

There’s no useful stopwatch rule. It’s more about whether your attention keeps settling on someone’s body: repeatedly looking at his genitals, scanning him up and down, or watching him across the room for a prolonged stretch.

Consider how it might feel from his side. Can he carry on enjoying himself, or is he being made aware that you’re examining him?

If someone turns away, covers up or moves, give him space. You don’t need to work out whether you caused it before easing off. And if he asks you to stop looking, stop. “Sorry” is enough; arguing that you were only admiring him won’t help.

You don’t have to maintain heroic eye contact

Staring into a man’s eyes for an entire conversation can be uncomfortable too. Look at his face while he’s speaking, glance around naturally, look at whatever you’re discussing. The same things you’d do if he had a shirt on.

You may overthink it for a while. When you catch yourself doing that, listen to what he’s actually saying. Asking a follow-up question gives you something more interesting to concentrate on than where you looked three seconds ago.

An activity can help, too. During a card game or while preparing food, your eyes already have somewhere to go.

What if he catches me looking?

If it was a brief glance, you probably don’t need to explain yourself. Carry on normally. If you realize you’ve been staring, look away and change what you’re doing. A short apology is appropriate if you’ve made him uncomfortable.

And remember this goes both ways. You can say, “You’re making me a bit uncomfortable,” if someone keeps watching you, or speak to the host if you’d prefer some help.

Being naked makes more of your body visible. It doesn’t mean you’ve agreed to be inspected all afternoon. Give other men that same consideration, and let yourself get used to the rest.